Wednesday, January 21, 2004
February roster is out.....damn it looked real jam-packed but thanx to my leave ive got a short break in betw but still..look at it!!! All my weekends burned and they r wat matters most to me!!! *sigh* And now im in a dilemma 'coz 23rd is my hunny's bd and ive got a super long flt and it departs in the morning meaning i can't even enjoy a bd treat for him.....*super sigh*
my dilemma:
(1) Its an LA flt with my team and nx to my agenda i planned to go California Adventure and have lotsa fun!!! Since im planning to quit soon i feel i need to go all out in terms of site-seeing
(2) Its his's bd and we've been celebrating our bd's together for the last 7 yrs; read: 21st,22nd and 23rd!!! Important dates!!
Will not celebratin his bd for just 1 yr makes a difference? will things change betw us? i seriously dunno...darn...i rely dunno wat to do....i mean he sounds ok wen i told him i wud like to maintain my flt but i know he's upset....How??? Argghhhhhhhhh......SHIT!!!
I hate feeling all stressed up wen i know this is a trivial matter but to me...everythin matters ...every minute details...i know im terrible but tis is me.....
Perhaps mebbe just tis yr he shd celebrate his bd with his loved ones- FAMILY!!! I mean isnt this family matters???
I'm never In and i believe i never will be IN.....i shd stay out of his family stuffs!!
*sigh* i watched satc season 4 yesterday , the part where Aiden proposed to Carrie and it was so touching, sweet yet very distressing on my part....it makes me wunder if i can ever reach there....where finally someone wud find me deserving and propose to me...perhaps i havent met the ONE....perhaps i just aint looking ...perhaps im holding on to sumting or sumone much too long dat it gets too stagnant and comfy and ...........im just too used to it dat .........without it, im no longer me......
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ina sighed at 12:39 AM
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