An hr away and i have to leave my house for work...the dread of leaving is so overwhelming and up till today i cant fathom why i always feel this way....so far i have never encountered any bad experiences at work except the usual 'expected' ones...im just sitting here feeling lost once again and thinking if i cud have been better off following my parents' dreams...'coz at lest if sumting will to fall apart it is only natural dat i cud place the blame on them for making me choose this life...*im such an evil daughter i know*
I have been growing up living in everyone's shadow..the accomplishments in my life was never sumting im proud of ...both my siblings were in every way more academically inclined ...i was just the average child in the family and even amongst my female cousins i have always been the odd one out...wat being the only one who didnt go to an all girls secondary school, enlisted in one of the lowest ranking junior colleges in singapore and the first to have to start from scratch and study privately to obtain a respected recognised degree in singapore...Ive done everything to make my parents proud of me and i know choosing this career was sumting not expected of me...i have let them down at the expense of realising a dream i knew now was just childish...
Here i am now standing nowhere and just wished perhaps i cud turn back time and correct all the failures in my life...perhaps if i studied harder for my psle ..i cud be in all girls school...and studied even harder and be in a prestigious junior college and then towards NUS or NTU...and mebbe now land in a respectable job my parents and relatives could be proud off....
But it is too late now..i am stuck where i am and im turning to Allah S.W.T for guidance and insya-Allah i will find the path to happiness...
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ina sighed at 7:08 PM
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